Wednesday, 26 July 2017

waikowhai writing

Screenshot 2017-05-29 at 12.07.33.png

As the team rushed to run me over,
I dashed through their team running swiftly towards the try line.I got there to the tryline just before The opponents tackled me by the leg and I scored.  The The crowd went wild.  The score was 4 - 12 to the blues. We started again. The other team had the ball.the one with the ball ran past. We tackled and he passed the ball. The other guy ran forward, jumped and scored.

I worked with john from waikowhai intermediate on a shared document. my writing is in red.

2 comments:

  1. Great work Theo.
    You have used a great sentence 'The crowd went wild'

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  2. Awesome work Theo.
    You have used great sentences. Next time don´t use repetition in your writing and you also used the word THE next to each other in the same sentence.

    ReplyDelete